Really tough decisions

We had our first appointment at the University yesterday and it didn't go exactly as I hoped it would. We had an ultrasound initially before we saw the Dr. and immediately we saw all 3 babies and all 3 heartbeats. It was such an amazing difference from 3 weeks ago; they look much more human now, and they were moving and kicking around off the walls of their sacs like maniacs. I started bawling when I saw them moving around; like somehow this dream is more real now.

Our tech was really, really thorough and explained everything she was looking at. We have some amazing images I will post later, both 2 and 3-D. We even have an early idea of the sex of Triplet A and C! Of course this could be wrong but as of now we think A is a girl (thank you God) and C is a boy. Triplet B didn't want to cooperate with this. Apparently at this stage all babies have a weenie thingie (yes, that is the correct medical terminology) that either angles up (boy) or down (girl). We will be interested to see if her predictions hold true.

So she also did the nuchal fold translucency screening and was a bit worried about what she saw on Triplet B. The space in the back of the neck was larger than what is considered normal. What this means is that the baby is at an increased risk for major chromosomal abnormalities or heart defects. I was so crushed to hear this and the thought of losing another baby... I don't even know how I could ever go through that again.

The Dr. came in to discuss our options: 1) Do nothing right now 2) Do CVS testing and get accurate genetic results in 5-10 days 3) Wait a few more weeks and do amnio, also to get genetic results back.

Because this is triplets I am already considered very high risk. If the baby turns out to have a lethal chromosomal abnormality we could decide to terminate just that fetus. God, I can't even type this out without bawling. I don't know that I could ever do that, even knowing that the baby will die and endanger the lives of the other 2. This is the absolute worst-case scenario and I PRAY that we are not forced to come face-to-face with such a decision. The thing is that we have to have the CVS done on Monday if we decide to go that route (there is a limited space of time that the test is able to be done and we are quickly moving out of that range). We could also only decide to terminate after getting the CVS results, as waiting to do amnio would put that out as an option, it would be too late.

I think we are leaning toward doing the CVS on Monday. I am terrified though because there is a slight risk of miscarriage with the procedure. The thought of that; I don't know if I would be able to live with myself, it would be my fault.

Now I am just really praying that we will find out that nothing is wrong with triplet B. Please God, let the baby be okay.

So now if you all have any prayers to spare I could really use them.